Welcome to The Panic Channel!

We visited my 90-year-old Grandmother recently. Much of the time we were there, the TV was tuned to CNN. The ONLY story that was covered that entire time was the failed Delta (Northwest, whatever) airline bombing. It was mainly hand-wringing and finger-pointing over the "failures" that led to this poor boy deciding to light his crotch on fire. "Terror In The Skies!" "Security Failures!"

Never mind that to actually prevent this, we're getting into the sci-fi stuff of the movie Minority Report, where "precogs" (see below) foresee crimes that MIGHT be commited by an individual, enabling the "pre-crime division" of law enforcement to pre-emptively arrest the individual. Yowza.

"precog" from Minority Report

Wait, there was one other story: Breathless LIVE coverage of the mysterious abandoned van in Times Square.

I will henceforth refer to CNN exclusively as The Panic Channel. My poor Grandmother is all tied in knots worrying about what's happening to the world. Shame on you, CNN. This all reminded me why I don't bother watching the news (other than local) anymore.

Now, back to our irregular programming.

Smartass???!?

I'm near the end of my ride, going northbound on Yosemite approaching Belleview. I maintained a good head of steam climbing out of the "valley" that starts at Caley, and am going 28-30 mph downhill with no wind. Looking ahead, the left-turn cycle has just ended, my green signal is fresh, and through traffic will have time to get going before I reach the intersection. Life is good.

Enter the silver Hyundai Sonata (or similar nondescript sedan) heading westbound on Belleview (coming in from my right). Through traffic is stopped, but he's rolling up to the light. Okay, I think, he's going to turn right. And turn right he does... Without stopping at the red light... Right in front of me.

Okay, I wasn't THAT close to the intersection, and I was definitely keeping an eagle eye on this guy, but he really blew the light, and I had to take evasive action. There was no oncoming traffic, so I moved left to go around him, shouting "Hey! Hey! HEY!!!" I pass the car on the left, give him an exaggerated "WTF?" shrug as I go by, then get over into the bike lane on the right. The adrenaline is flowing, but I don't plan to escalate this past the verbal stage. I mean, had I been in my car, I would've leaned on the horn for about 10 seconds, but I don't have that option on the bike.

The car catches up to me and tries to match my speed. At this point, I see his right-front window is down (his mortified SO is in the passenger's seat) so I yell in, "Say you're sorry!" His response is muffled. Say again? "F*ck you, Smartass!" At this point, I'm dumbfounded. He could've killed me, and he calls me a smartass? He's ahead of me now, so I do my best pantomime routine, covering my face and shaking my head, looking up and appealing to the heavens, "why is this guy allowed to drive?"

Now, traffic ahead is starting to build, and the car slows. As I motor by in the bike lane, I turn to the open window and ask, "Smartass???!?" No answer. I'm guessing his SO gave him what for after he told me off. Buh-bye.

Dead Man's Float

Waaay back in my high-school days, taking swimming in Phys. Ed. class meant hopping on the bus to go to our cross-town rival as our school didn't have a pool. The one thing I specifically remember from those classes was the "Dead Man's Float," which is basically a face-down survival float wherein you relax except for occasional strong kicks to let you breathe.

What made this maneuver interesting was that, with a bunch of bodies in the water, we inevitably clumped together as a group. Of course, this made things interesting when your next-door neighbor needed to take a breath. Looking back, it seems obvious to me that this was all a result of surface tension... In essence, our bodies each created a slight downward (concave) meniscus on the water's surface, and over time our menisci combined and we all basically "slid downhill" to the center of the pool. It may be that my interpretation is utter malarkey, but it was an interesting phenomenon in any case.

What triggered my memory of the Dead Man's Float was driving to the kart track this evening. I take I-25 for part of the route, and in that area the speed limit is 65. However, my El Cheapo trailer from Harbor Freight Tools is rated to 55 mph max. Not wanting to tear up my equipment any more than necessary, I adhere to that limit.

Does traveling 10 mph under the speed limit mean I'm going 15-20 mph slower than the flow of traffic? Hardly. Something about the sight of the kart on the trailer being pulled by something other than a truck (i.e., my Mazda6 wagon) causes other motorists to stick to me like glue. I've had people fall in diagonally behind me and match my speed, possibly slack-jawed, for miles before suddenly snapping out of the trance-like state and accelerating off into the sunset.


As you might guess, I wonder what these other drivers are missing while they're ogling my POS kart...

Bike roadkill

No, I don't mean cyclists becoming roadkill, although we're certainly at a disadvantage to an automobile being driven as a weapon.

Even cyclists have to dodge furry friends on occasion... Particularly squirrels, who seem to be programmed with a healthy "darting" reflex. When a squirrel is in my way, I just look way up the path and don't try to react to which way the squirrel jumps, because I don't think even he knows where he's going, as long as he changes directions five times. This explains the term "squirrel" for a rider who can't ride in a straight line.

Anyway, thanks to this photo, I now know what happens if you actually hit a squirrel just right. WARNING: Not for the faint of heart.

http://img.moonbuggy.org/bicycle-roadkill/

SNOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!

Spring snowstorm hits Denver! Inch upon inch of heavy, wet, slushy stuff! Well, at least the grass and trees will be happy... And I'll probably have to mow as soon as the snow melts.

Any snow event in Denver makes for fun traffic shenanigans... Like the Jeep Wrangler that left a parking lot right behind me. I was a little deprived in the traction department, and I think the Jeep figured he'd scoot around me and then get back in my lane to make the right turn we both needed to make. He got past me, all right... He then mashed on the Stop Pedal and did a nice pirouette to the left in front of me. At least that took him out of my way. He got back facing the right direction... And had to fall in line right behind me, where he started off anyway.


Cheerio,
Garrick

Crosswalks = Death Traps for Bicycles

Denver is blessed with a nice network of dedicated, paved trails, such as those running along Cherry Creek, the South Platte River, and the C-470/E-470 limited-access highway. Last weekend's ride found me using all of these. For the most part, these trails either avoid or pass over/under crossing streets. At worst, you may have to cross one street at a crosswalk. By Park Meadows Mall, however, the C-470 Trail essentially goes diagonally across an intersection at Yosemite as shown by the red line in the aerial photo below.

Normally, I'm heading southeastward through here, so I'd be coming in from the upper-left corner of the photo. I then have to cross the right-turn-only lane (which has limited visibility due to a wall next to the trail), then cross Yosemite, then spin a quick 270 to the left to position myself to cross the other street. Again, there's limited visibility here due to walls running adjacent to the sidewalk. After crossing the intersection southbound, I go on my merry way on the trail again.

I HATE this intersection. No, really, I can't stand this intersection. High-speed, cross-town bike traffic really gets shoehorned through here in a less-than-safe manner. However, as the roads are configured, you have no choice but to make three crossings. Alas. In any case, I've managed to make it through here every time without incident... Until last weekend.

Since one has to cross two streets at the same intersection, it typically works out that a cyclist has to wait for two traffic lights. Every time I've gone through, I've had to wait at the northeast corner waiting for northbound Yosemite to get a green signal. Last weekend was no different. Since I was hanging out at the corner, I even pushed the pedestrian-crossing button to get the WALK signal.

So the southbound crosswalk signal changes to WALK, and westbound traffic has a red signal (it's easy to see that signal from the corner). However, as is my custom, I check for crossing traffic. Usually, the conflict comes from a northbound driver turning right to head eastbound. However, that's on the far side of the intersection, and those drivers are staring right at me before they turn. If I'm not sure I have that driver's attention, I can always hold up near the centerline and just yell at him as he passes in front of me. No biggie.

In this case, however, as I move toward the crosswalk entrance I can see a westbound driver to my left who is signaling a right turn. Now, I recognize that a solid red signal means one should stop prior to the painted crosswalk. However, this driver isn't exactly slowing to make that happen, so I wait and shout "STOP" in his direction. Sure enough, he blows through the crosswalk and stops with his REAR BUMPER about midway through the crosswalk. Grrr. I pass behind him, pound on his trunk lid, and go on my way. This isn't a situation where a refresher course on the Rules of the Road will be well-received.

To the drivers (there have been many) who have told me, "Get on the f%^$ing sidewalk!!!", I have this response:
GET. A. CLUE.
The most dangerous thing I do on a bicycle is to ride on a sidewalk or take a crosswalk. Each and every grade crossing where I'm not out in the flow of traffic like a car is an opportunity for bad things. In the absence of dedicated bike facilities, I'll use the road like a car, and I'll be safer for it. The situation above is one where there really isn't much choice. Next time I'll try just heading southbound on Yosemite, doing a U-turn on the south side of C-470, then come back up Yosemite to rejoin the trail. I'd still have to cross lanes of traffic in both directions, but I'll take a merge over a right-angle crossing against turning traffic any day.